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crow-raven-crow · 1 year ago

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Hi,

I was wonder if it would possible if you could write a Brienne of Tarth x fem!reader? Where Brienne returns to winterfell after being away after a while and she sees reader once again. Fluff and maybe some soft smut.

Please and thank you.

𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮..

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 - [𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰 𝟏𝟖+]

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹��═════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐱 𝐊𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: ~4k 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: FLUFF !!, soft love, established relationship, SMALL angst, slight anxiety/dread, COMFORT, nsfw, vaginal fingering, oral sex, literally like the softest smut i think ive ever written, LOL DONT EXPECT ACCURACY AHAH

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: see above

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

AO3 link in title ✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

You hurried inside the Guards Hall of Winterfell, the heavy wooden door creaking on its hinges before nearly slamming shut with the frigid wind of winter. The ancient stones of the castle caused your steps to echo down the corridor, a sigh of relief leaving you with the warmth that enveloped you, as you made your way down the hall. The blazing torches casted a golden light along the walls, allowing shadows to dance against it, penetrating the white beams of light that bounced off the snow outside.

Your furs clung to you, adorned with the sigil of House Stark, and gave you some solace from the fangs of winter. Your face was flushed and slightly damp from the light spray of falling snow, and the immediate heat was slowly becoming too much as you took your gloves off.

You ventured deeper into the heart of Winterfell, seeking comfort in the quarters you shared with your blonde knight, even if she was gone on her own mission. The torchlight guided your way deeper into the hall, your own shadow kissing each flame as muffled murmurs of others made the fortress feel more alive.

As you approached the main room at the end of the hall, your now uncovered hands reaching into your pockets for your key, you threw nods and smiles at your fellow guards, getting bows of their heads and small smiles in return. What once filled you with fear and insecurity now felt like nods of approval, reminding you of how far you've come as a knight, for it takes a certain amount of trust and skill to work directly with a kingdoms head family.

When you first settled in Winterfell, their curious and sinful stares were never far behind, making you question both your worth as a guard and as a lady, but it didn't take long for them to come face to face with the fire that burned within you. It earned you your respect amongst them, the common goal to protect those of Winterfell, the common goal that you had shown them time and time again. You no longer were just any other woman in their eyes, and the same was true when Brienne came into the picture.

It didn't take long for the two of you to become close, even if it did take a while to push past her walls. If anything, her arrival strengthened your place within the ranks and made your bond stronger with all of those in Winterfell, especially the Starks. They knew you as their head family guard, and you've seen each other in different contexts over the years, but there was a certain softness that Brienne brought to you that they never thought they would see. You both suffered through very similar things, and though those were things you both bonded over, you couldn't help but want to give Brienne the world that she didn't think was possible. You had completely fallen for her, and thinking back to where you both had started always brought a smile to your face.

As you stepped into your quarters, it was as though the heavy mask of your role had come off, your shoulders relaxing as a breath you didn't know you were holding came out as well. In quick, practiced movements, you discarded the layers of furs that were draped over you, revealing a simpler armor set underneath. The sound of your shuffling filled the quiet room, your gloves being placed onto a side table and the small clicks of your armor coming off rang through the room. You turned towards your armor stand, placing each plate into its home and your scabbard with its belt along side it. As your fingers softly traced along the Stark sigil, you made a mental note to polish the pieces later.

You moved deeper into the room to start a fire, grabbing each log and meticulously placing them before a comforting glow lit the chamber's stone walls. It's golden hues reflected in the armor across the room, making you take a moment to really appreciate where you were at. Thoughts of Brienne began to fill your mind, tugging on your heartstrings and making the room feel much lonelier than it was moments before. It's been over a month since you've seen your knight, and you forced yourself to push through each day just as you knew she was.

When you stood, your bones suddenly feeling much heavier, you grabbed the pile of letters she had sent you over the course of her mission. You brought them over to your bed, spreading them out in small piles before sifting through each one. Your fingers traced the weathered edges, imagining what she had seen in each place she stopped, imagining her writing each one at the end of her day after all the others had turned in for the night.

You scanned over her most recent one, your fingers tracing the inked lines as though you had watched those words appear on the paper. She would be home soon, she had said so herself, and the idea sparked hope within you… but you knew how quickly the duties as a knight could change, that caution tempering the hope that begged to rage on in your chest.

With a deep breath, you let your emotions settle, taking in the written words from your lover as though they were prayers you were to memorize, reading each sentence with her voice echoing in your head like a siren beckoning you out to sea - something you would fall for again and again, if it meant that you'd get to go back to her.

As though the gods were listening, the resonant toll of the bell echoed all throughout Winterfell, cutting through the frigid air. Its deep tones rumbled through your chest, bringing you to your feet. All your actions froze as you listened for the bell, your heart threatening to burst when you realized it was from the East Gate. The room transformed into a flurry of movement as you quickly ran to gather your scabbard and rapidly tied the baldrick around your hips, before running out the door. In your haste, you had forgotten all about the snow as the outside world became a blur, your only focus being the possibility that Brienne was finally home.

The echo of your footsteps against the stone floor quickly morphed into the loud crunch of snow beneath your feet as you left the Guard's Hall and rushed toward the East Gate. The air bit at your exposed skin and made every breath you took in sharp, but the hope that your lover was just feet away overshadowed any ounce of discomfort that you could've possibly felt, easily flooding your body with adrenaline.

You waited with some of the other villagers and guards in the courtyard, some of them noticing you buzzing with excitement and clouded over in focus, as your eyes were fixed on the opening gates. You watched with a pounding heart as families were reunited, as guards made their way to the stables, as traveling merchants moved in the direction of the nearest inn. Your eyes darted from face to face, taking in who they were before moving onto the next.

Your hands fiddled with the rings on your fingers, you body feeling all too hot and your hands all too sweaty as though you weren't standing in the snow. You stood with the feeling of your heart growing heavy, with the feeling of your throat slowly starting to close, as the crowd dispersed just as quickly as it had appeared. You waited with the burning hope that you had gotten stuck with, even as other guards shot your their apologetic glances, even as Catelyn Stark squeezed your arm in comfort, as the crowd grew smaller.

A heaviness took over your body, making your shoulders sag and a sadness fill your eyes as the quick realization came over you: she wasn't there. As though it was your post, you waited for the crowd to clear because, after all, you were still a knight of Winterfell.

Just as the gate looked like it was about to close, it stilled, freezing for a moment before opening back up again. It's loud creaks gained the attention of the ones walking away, the ones filled with the same disappointment and aching heart as you were. A rumble of life passed through it just as the one that came before - a smaller group of more returning home, crossing the threshold into Winterfell. Your heart felt as though it had been revived, those around you watching your demeanor change, as your eyes began to light up with hope all over again.

Amidst the glowing faces of excitement, a distant glimmer of gold caught your eyes, drawing your attention to farther down the path. The crowd around you seemed to blur into the background as you held onto the potential promise that coursed through your veins. Every second closer intensified the rapid thud of your heart, drowning out everything else and nearly bursting at the sight of Brienne mounted on her horse.

The snowflakes seemed to dance around her, an ethereal glow radiating from her that would make even the newest gods jealous. Her brows furrowed as she scanned the crowd with an intense focus, the height from atop her horse making it all the more easier to catch sight of you. You watched as she seemed to relax, your shared gaze lifting the weight of separation that had been dragging you both down.

As Brienne dismounted her horse, the onlookers smiled and instinctively cleared a path as your body moved on its own. They had all seen you fall for each other one way or another, and you always knew this would be a piece of your home when they always seemed to cheer you both on.

The distance between you two came to a quick close, your hearts beating against each other just as fiercely as your smiles when she lifted you into her arms. Brienne's hands, strong yet gentle, found their way to your hips as she placed you down. Your arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her as close as possible, as though the action would make all the time spent apart fizzle away. The cold touch of her armor made a shiver run through you, but it was quickly ignored as you relished in the feeling of being back in her arms.

Her hands smoothed their way up your sides, creating a path of electricity along your body, before she softly cupped your face. Your hands found their place on the backs of hers, your thumbs tracing along her knuckles, as your eyes jumped between her own. You could always find a way to get lost in Brienne's eyes, the deep, defined blues always swirling with layers of emotions and unspoken words.

She leaned down slightly, a small laugh leaving your lips, before she closed the distance between you two. Her lips pressed against yours in a way that translated thousands of words - a soft, tender kiss that you had longed for since the day she left. You felt her lips curve into a smile, a sigh leaving her, as she felt you step just a bit closer.

When Brienne pulled away, the closeness lingered as she rested her forehead against your own, your hot breaths turning into steam the moment they met the cold air. It was as though the world around you seemed to hold its breath - the falling snow, the ancient stones, the depths of Winterfell baring witness to the love you held for each other.

"Hello, my love.." The sound of her voice made a choked sob leave you as tears suddenly formed in your eyes. The voice you thought about, the voice you were apart from, the voice you fell in love with was finally back to gracing your ears. She was always gentle with you, even if she knew you could handle your own, but she treated you with the softness, with the love that you never thought anyone in the Seven Kingdoms could give you.

"Hello, my Brienne.. I'm so glad you're back," your voice was nearly a whisper, showing the wear and tear that the time without her has brought to you.

"Always, for you. I'll always come back to you." If it was at all possible, it seemed as though your smiles only widened, the tell-tale blush lingering on both of your faces as you both finally broke away from the crowd.

It was easy for you both to move back to your shared quarters, your movements together still like second nature even after the amount of time that had passed. You had a bath ready for her by the time she had come back from the stables, and you helped her take her armor off as you talked about her travels.

Just as you were about to start polishing your armor, you felt her hands wrap around your waist and pull you against her front. Sweet kisses were placed on one of your shoulders, before you felt her hold tighten. You turned around in her hold, bringing one of your hands up to move her gaze to your own. After a silent question, her eyes only softened, her fingers starting to trace absent minded patters under your shirt before she spoke.

She leaned in, stealing another kiss from you. It was longer than the one in the courtyard, now that you were away from the eyes of all. You chased her for another as she pulled away, earning you a satisfied smile. Her lips rested just centimeters above yours, her words coming out in a whisper, "I love you."

The words echoed in your soul like ones you never planned to forget, her voice filling your body with an electricity that no one else could charge, that no one else could even come close to causing. It made your cheeks flush as though you had heard those words for the first time, but who could blame you when she looked at you like you had painted the sky with your own hands.

"I love you too.." It came out soft, yet eager to fill her ears. You watched as those words alone seemed to settle her, grounding her in her spot and reminding her that she truly was home with you. She placed one last kiss against your lips, before heading towards the bath.

When she came back to the room, seemingly refreshed and in her robe, she stopped in her tracks and watched you in the candle light. You had taken the opportunity to change into something else, or something less, as the golden hues radiated off your skin as if you were a god. The sheer robe you adorned left little to the imagination, the dark colored undergarments seeping through the thin fabric and revealing the perfect hold they had on your body.

She walked closer, her movements unknown to you as you cleaned up the rest of the table, until one of the floorboards creaked and gave her away. You turned towards her quickly, the sound making you jump, before your expression morphed into a smile. The action had made your robe fall off one of your shoulders, something that didn't go unnoticed by the knight, as her eyes lingered over the expanse of your exposed skin.

She was quick to bring you closer, your bodies glowing in the radiating warmth of the flames. She kissed you in that light, in the warmth that welcomed her home. You lived in the way she made you feel, the energy of the gods running through the both of you as all your emotions ran through each kiss.

Everything felt right, at peace, at home, like everything else was able to melt away for what felt like the first time in forever as you stood in each others hold, as your lips connected again and again. There was a glow that you both adorned that wasn't present before, one that had slowly dulled as the days apart grew longer, but one that reawakened and was ever burning for as long as you had each other.

As each kiss ran soft, the next came back more wanting. Your hands circled around her neck, keeping her close and playing with the soft strands of her hair. Her own had slipped under your robe, tracing over the skin that she had longed to touch again, leaving goosebumps in every path she took.

You walked her back towards the bed, undoing the tie of her robe before she sat down. You slowly moved to your knees, resting between her legs, your lips trailing down her neck as your hands freely roamed her body. You took your time worshiping her, leaving light scratches along her hips and thighs or bringing more attention to her chest with your lips.

You listened as her breathing grew heavier the closer you got to her breasts, a heavy sigh and a deep hum leaving her lips after you licked over her right bud, capturing it in your mouth soon after. You felt her squirm under your touch, her robe slipping down her shoulders and exposing more of her to you.

After showering her breasts in attention, your lips made their way down to her thighs, being sure to kiss and bite every curve of muscle your knight gave you. One of her hands ran through your hair as you kissed down one of her thighs, using her other as support to lean back and expose more of herself to you. The smell of her arousal made the coil in you tighten, and the sight of her blown pupils only proving to you how good she was feeling.

As you kissed up her other leg, you brought one to rest on your shoulder, and you felt your own arousal begin to pool between your legs at the sight of her soaked core. You kissed along her slit, your touch featherlight and causing broken whimpers to leave the blonde, before running your tongue through her folds.

She threw her head back, a deep moan leaving her lips as her back arched. Your pace was sickly slow to her, your tongue working in and out of her entrance as the flame within her only grew larger.

Her fingers made their way into your hair, pulling on the strands and making a moan escape your lips. The vibrations only pleased her in more ways than one, her hips bucking at the sound. You took the opportunity to move your tongue to her clit, circling the sensitive bud and sucking, causing a near pornographic moan to leave her lips.

You continued, urged on as her moans grew louder and more frequent, as the hold on your hair grew tighter and as her thighs threatened to close around your head. Her thighs shook as her peak came closer and closer, her eyes screwed shut as she chased the pleasure you gave her. With her jaw slack and her brows furrowed, she came hard against your tongue, her thighs closing around your head.

Your actions didn't stop, didn't slow as you allowed her to ride out her high. You groaned at the taste of her, being sure to lap up everything she gave you, before pulling away breathless. Your breath was hot, your chest heaving as you caught your breath, but your focus was stolen away as her fingers guided your chin up, forcing you to look at her.

She pulled you up with a gentle touch, guiding you onto her lap before capturing your lips once more. Her fingers worked on the tie of your robe, before smoothing the fabric down your arms and off your body.

A whimper left your lips as her thumbs swiped over your nipples, and she took the opportunity to start kissing down your neck. Each of her movements were soft, slow as though anything more would scare you away. Her lips lingered on your pulse point, the feeling sending heat straight to your core, before she shifted your position.

She turned you both, pushing you down and laying your head against the pillows, your body shining in the moonlight that seeped in from the cracks in the blinds and the gentle glow of the flames in the room. Her lips picked up where they left off, slowly trailing down to your breasts. Her lips and fingers worked together, mapping out every curve and dip of your skin and committing it all to memory.

She gave your breasts the attention that they deserved, her tongue swirling around each bud and forming them into hardened peaks, all while whimpers and small moans escaped your lips. One of her hands trailed down, rubbing up and down your thigh in slow movements, before swiping a finger through your folds. The action made you gasp, your bottom lip quickly coming between your teeth, as you felt her lips move lower and lower.

She collected your juices on her fingers, teasing your entrance before thrusting two of them into your core, moaning at how you immediately clenched around them. She moved them in and out at an agonizing pace, the sensation already making you see stars, as she curled them perfectly in the right spot each time.

Her lips trailed lower and lower, a few kisses being planted at the base of your thighs before you felt her tongue flatten against your slit. Your hips bucked at the feeling, a silent beg for more, before you felt her lick through your folds, her tongue circling your clit right after.

You wreathed under her, your breathing growing heavier as moans shot out of you. The familiar tightness in your core started to build, making the pleasure you felt come back in tenfold. Your hands moved to her hair, pulling at it and begging her not to stop. Your thighs shook with each lick, each thrust into your core, your pleasure building itself closer and closer to the delicious edge.

Every touch was absorbed with every ounce of love she held for you, and you showed her you knew that as her name fell from your lips in desperate moans. She curled her fingers just as she sucked on your clit, and the action made a loud moan escape you as it stole all the air from your lungs. You felt your thighs shake, and another curl of her fingers made ecstasy crash into you.

She helped your ride out your high, her ministrations only slowing when she had licked everything clean. You felt her lips travel up your body, her hands smoothing over your sides and giving you a warmth that you welcomed. Her lips met yours in a tender kiss, one full of the love and adoration you both held for each other. She broke away, moving to lay on her side, before pulling you into her arms.

She wrapped the covers over your bodies, but nothing could match the comfort you felt when her hands started tracing patterns along your back, when her body radiated heat and a smell you found intoxicating, when your head rested in the crook of her neck as her voice traveled through the air with sweet nothings for only you to hear.

You took a moment to look at her, your hands coming up to cup her face as your eyes scanned over her features in the growing late night. You couldn't help the smile that always seemed to grace your lips in her presence, one that she never failed to match when she saw it. With another soft kiss, pulling a hum from her chest, you settled back down in the comfort of her arms, tangling your legs together and enjoying the sound of her heartbeat as sleep took over the both of you.

Knights always held their honor high, and you'd both be sure to always honor the promise of coming back home to the one waiting for you.

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

𝐚/𝐧: BRIENNE MY LOVE AHHHHHHHHH

I SAY THIS ABOUT FUCKING EVERYTHING BUT THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE I LOVE BRIENNE

i had somewhat of an idea for this when i had first gotten the request a while ago and im SOOO glad it morphed into THIS!!!! this is my first time writing for Brienne, and im really happy with how it turned out

im on like.. id say the beginning of season three of game of thrones and every time she pops up on the screen i literally kick my feet and scream like im so down bad for her its genuinely so funny to me

here you go anon!! im SO sorry it took this long, but i hope that it was worth the wait !

xx,

~ 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: (tagged anyone who asked/wanted to be on the "all works" taglist)

as always, feel free to ask to be added !

@autumn-leaves-chasing-breeze @weemssapphic @readingtheentrails @finnja555 @barbarasstar @vendocrap8008 @gwendolinechristieiscute @lilfartbox1 @agathaandgwenslesbian @lvinhs @elvira-dear @kimiinou @ladybathoryy

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

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merthurthestartledstoat · 6 months ago

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#game of thrones #jaime lannister #braime #jaime x brienne #brienne of tarth #ser jaime lannister #ser brienne of tarth #oathkeeper #house tarth #house lannister #house Lannistarth #ao3 #asoiaf

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kellycalliekell · 1 year ago

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Found an old file I had just chillin' in a folder. My IG

#brienne of tarth #ser brienne of tarth #gwendoline christie #mine #art #brienne of tarth art #my art #gwendoline christie art #fanart #digital art #artwork #Game of Thrones

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rippersz · 1 year ago

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ᴀ ꜰᴏᴏʟ'ꜱ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ

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(Brienne of Tarth x Named Reader; Angsty; Hurt/Slight Comfort) (TW: Suic*de attempt; Suic*dal ideations/thoughts; Slight Romanticization of mental illness)

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“An autumn whisper between the maples kept urging: Die with me.” ~ Anna Akhmatova

---

A Fool’s Death.

That’s what they call it.

A Fool’s Death. You’re a coward if you do it. You’re a lazy bastard if you live with thoughts of it. You’re a selfish prick of a soul either way.

There’s no winning and there’s no losing. There’s no talk of it. Not even a mention. Not even a whisper. And if there is, you are spoken of. Judged. Scrutinized until The Fool’s Death becomes your death. Until the village and its people and everyone in your family are forced to spit upon your narcissistic bones and claim you disowned even though there is nothing left to claim and nothing left to disown. Just a corpse that is cold and dull and useless.

Cold and dull and useless.

You think that’s how you’ll do it.

Winter has already carried her snow and chill and winds into the region, laying it all upon the land like a warm blanket around a small child’s body. Painting everything white and leaving it to glisten to sludge beneath the eventual heat of the spring sun. A perfect time for rebirth. A perfect time for death.

—

Your hands shake as you slowly pull open the door to your quarters, wincing while it creaks and groans, forcing you to stop every time a noise rings out into the empty hall. Your heart, pounding away in your ears, ruins your sense of hearing while you stand like a statue within your own doorway. Anxiety slips through your bones. Fear pulls at you. The last desire you have is to wake everyone in the castle and call attention to yourself. No, having eyes and ears on you while you lay in the snow and wait for the freeze to set in is less than ideal. A Fool’s Death, after all, is never A Fool’s Death if done with company.

So once you decide that the corridors are empty and you can slip out through the back entrance into the kitchens, you do exactly that. A singular torch is lit, burning away within its stone perch, nearly beckoning you closer with its dancing flame. You trail toward it and stop there, watching it for a moment, reveling in the last bit of warmth that your skin will ever feel. You know that some hours later, when the moon is long gone and the clouds block the sun and the stars keep themselves veiled, you will no longer be able to feel fire. You will no longer be able to feel ice. You will no longer be able to feel the breath in your lungs leave you in short pants. It will all bleed into the same numb feeling. And you will freeze until Mother Nature tells you to thaw. And once your body has been revealed to the changing air of the seasons, once the earth’s creatures start to take advantage of your indirect kindness, you also know that your frozen flesh will not be mourned. Because no one will cry for you. And no one will beg the gods, both old and new, to bring you back. And no one will waste another precious breath worrying about who you were.

You, who were just another soldier out of an army of hundreds. A faceless woman. A person easily replaced. Inconsequential in every sense of the word. Your family was dead, your acquaintances were no more than good mornings and good nights, your position would be filled as soon as you broke rank. And no one would notice your absence. The Lord Commander wouldn’t even blink. The royal family wouldn’t even spare a thought. Though then again, it wasn’t like you deserved their thoughts, their sympathies, their prayers anyway. You weren’t a war hero and you weren’t important and you didn’t do anything beyond follow orders and live your life. Well- that last bit would change, of course. As soon as you pull yourself away from the torch and get going.

The chill of night is a harsh contrast from the few minutes of firelight, but you find that your body, already shivering and slow beneath the thin white nightgown, doesn’t take true notice of the cold. You’re only propelled forward by a distant urge. A previously agreed upon understanding with no one but yourself: This was necessary. This is what it was going to come to anyway, whether you died a fool sooner or later. This was the way of the world and you were just another pawn amongst the masses. Going to war, front of the line, hoping to die in glory.

But there was no glory there. There was no glory in your measured footsteps and there was no glory in your sagging shoulders and tired expression. And there was no glory in your desire. How could there be? How could the good gods ever wish to touch you after your blasphemy? How could you hang your soul out to dry and still expect to find your place in Nirvana? They will call you a coward. They will call you a fool. They will call you a rotten whore and they will say that they wish you’d done it sooner. They will walk past your nonexistent grave without a wandering thought as to what your name was. You could’ve saved everyone the trouble, they will say. Could’ve saved them the breaths. Spared them of your quiet awkward presence. Making everyone uncomfortable. Leaving the men to tease and toss aside the idea of censoring themselves just because you were a woman. Not the only woman, but a woman nonetheless. Of course they held their tongues when The Lord Commander walked past, or sat at the table, or existed and breathed in their general vicinity, but that didn’t matter. Brienne of Tarth was not always around to control them nor comfort you - not that she did the latter anyway. You weren’t important enough for that.

And the universe seemed to agree. The path was laid out before you, lit by the silver moon, traced by the glow of the white ground. You’d decided on your resting place only a few days ago. During a morning patrol with some of the newer trainees, you came across a spot of smooth Earth. Two logs, parallel to each other, framed a large empty patch of snow. From where you stood, it looked like a beautiful painting that had yet to be finished. There was no subject- no goal- no lesson to be learned- no deeper meaning and no unintentional intentional wicked talent. But before that could be rectified, before it could be completed, it would have to be ruined. Once you’re long dead, you’ll find the time to apologize to Mother Nature, but as you trek over the last hill, you’re more focused on becoming one with the frozen ground.

The site of your death is far enough away from civilization, near the edge of a tall cliff, so any wandering strangers won’t bother to come too close. Well that’s what you tell yourself, living in hope as per usual; but in reality nothing is stopping another living creature from stumbling across your frozen corpse. The snow is thick, yes, but not thick enough to hide all of you. And the sun is only some hours away from rising. Oh well. It won’t matter anyway. You’ll be passed out by then, icicles hanging from your eyelashes and blue coating the lining of your lips. Your heart will be quiet, weak, in your frozen chest. Your hands will be limp. And the rest of you will be blanketed by the sweet tasty frost of death, creating a home for its festering teeth. Teeth that will bite and gnash and taste and tear - but their attacks will be in vain. You will be numb. So wonderfully, perfectly, fatefully, numb.

And your fingertips, for what it’s worth, are already tingling with the beginnings of it.

The beginnings of it.

‘It’ being your end, of course.

‘It’ being the thing you want. Desperately.

‘It’ being the Fool’s Death you were born to have.

Oh so poetic it was…

Oh so… lovely.

…

You blink suddenly, forcing the chilled tears out of your eyes. Damn wind… so cold… so refreshing… Your knees bend to crouch into the snow, slow and exhausted like the sluggish looking of your eyes. ‘Hello’ the snow grins- beams- smiles so cheerfully up at you, ‘come to see me again, have you? It’s only been a few days. But I have missed you so much. We all have missed you so much.’ And you glance up to take in the ‘we’; the looming trees and the deep blue sky and the twinkling stars and the sweet bright moon, and you nod to yourself. Yes. This is how it is. This is the perfect atmosphere.

This is the glory of a Fool’s Death.

This is the peace of a Fool’s Death.

This is salvation.

No loud men and no flickering fires and no furs and no royals and no company and no messy thoughts and no sleepless nights and no terrifying dreams and no days of forced starvation and no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no sadness, no hope, no love, no happiness, no reason, no reason, no reason no reason no reason to live live live live live live live- live!

The thin white slip on your body shields you from nothing. Your palms sink into the soft fluff of the ground. Instantly, upon laying down, you’re soaked to the bone. Water finds itself languishing along your body, playing games and laughing while it gathers in your scalp and dances on your fingertips. And the snow, whispering near your ear and beckoning you to salvation, stretches its hands and says ‘Come, dear friend. Come rest here. I am soft. I will give you everything you want.’ So you rest. And you give in. And your body relaxes; your muscles unclench and the tension slides from your shoulders as a sigh bubbles past your lips.

Is it one of relief? One of stress? One of defeat? You’re not sure. You don’t know. Your heart is shuddering- pulsing- with excitement, but it’s a mystery as to why. Death is not supposed to feel good. Death is not supposed to feel powerful. Death is not supposed to feel like you’re finally grabbing life by the balls and saying HAH! THIS IS IT! THIS IS MY MOMENT! THIS IS MY DEATH! MY END! AND YOU CAN NEVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.

… So why does it feel that way?

Why does it feel so good?

…

…The night is quiet. It does not have answers for you. The moon looks on with unblinking eyes. You feel yourself grow heavy.

But the deed is not over yet. There is still one thing left to do. Slowly, the snow falls away as your limbs stir. They move on autopilot, not drawn by the thoughts in your head but again pushed by that faint desire.

Heels digging, nails running blue, curling into the snow, pushing it away - only to drag it back five minutes later; hastily working to complete the masterpiece. Desperate to become one with the Earth and fall into oblivion. A deep, bone-cold, quieting oblivion that will leave you shivering before it leaves you dead. Even beneath the blanket of snow that caresses your skin, that lays over your bare legs, that nuzzles the sensitive parts of your body, you begin to shake. And you begin to think.

The thoughts, interestingly enough, don’t freeze like the rest of you does. Instead, they grow. Swirl like a winter’s storm. Obsessive and rough, they pull you under like they always did.

This is great, isn’t it?

No, you think in response to yourself. It hurts, actually.

Oh stop whining. It will be worth it.

Why? How?

For years, it has been worth it.

That doesn’t answer anything. How has it been worth it? Is that why I’ve been hurting so much? For the sake of worthiness? Or something else?

Well you never felt worthy of anything else.

But I feel worthy of this?

Death? Yes. Everyone is worthy of death. Even The Lord Commander.

…What does she have to do with this?

You know what.

Your hands grasp at the snow, mindless and desperate. Pulling and pulling and pulling - clawing at the crisp white so it can cover you until no part of you is left to the air. Shielding you from the hatred of the universe. From the angry eyes of the gods. From the venom of the men. From the disinterest of the women. From the world… and its lack of care for you. And its lack of positivity. And its rude- disgusting- vile- way of treating you. And its overwhelming desire to kill you before you could kill yourself.

Too late now. We’re at least one foot deep in the ground! This is it. Keep digging. Keep digging. Keep digging! No stopping here! No energy left. Nothing left, actually. Not a goddamn thing. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Nothing at all….

Nothing.

At all.

Your eyelids flutter shut.

—

It’s two hours later when Ser Brienne of Tarth starts to wrap up her last duty of the evening.

A quick patrol of the furthest border is something not necessarily reserved for The Lord Commander, but is more of a safety measure she enforces upon herself before retiring for bed. Exhaustion pulls at her before she sets out, yes, but sometimes the nightmares… the white walkers… they leave her paranoid. Expectant of an attack that will never come. Worried about an enemy that no longer exists. Thus, she does it alone - and with only the royals’ knowledge.

It’s always a quiet affair, drawn along quickly by her and her steed Valour. They work with sharp eyes and a torch through the dark, stopping every few paces to listen for threats. There aren’t any, of course, but that doesn’t stop her from clip-clopping along the terrain with tense shoulders and keen senses, looking through the din of the torch’s fire in her hand. She has to be careful not to set her furs alight, but it’s not a hard task. Keeping it level, shunting it toward the ground and out toward the trees, proves to be more difficult. There’s no use in a flame if it can’t illuminate a damn th-

HUFF.

Valour’s hooves press into the snow, leaving them to stop - suddenly, quickly, with a jerk - as hot breath puffs from her nostrils and curls into the air. She’s tense, Brienne realizes. Tense and alert, with white ears twisting to take in sound. They stand in silence. Blue eyes watch as the animal’s head turns - first to the left and then to the right. But aside from the night and the usual rustle of the world, there is nothing. Nothing to hear, nothing to notice, nothing to fight or defend. Nothing to… find?

With one last sweep of the flame, she catches something quick. It’s nearly unnoticeable. Buried beneath the snow, but not one with the ground. It’s foreign. Out of place. A mere lump with no distinct beginning and end. Brienne chances a glance down at the horse, interest and apprehension dancing through her veins once she sees Valour’s eyes have caught the same thing. The same… intruder. The same issue.

When she slides off of the horse, half expecting to see the thing rise from the ground, one hand shoots to her sword. It waits. Curls around the hilt. Stretches beneath her glove. Twitches with adrenaline.

But there’s nothing. Not even a tremble beneath the dirt.

“Stay,” she whispers to Valour, moving the hand from her blade to gesture, palm facing the ground, for the horse to stand in wait.

And as cautiously, as quietly, as she can, Brienne approaches the mystery. She rounds one of the logs, taking notice of the odd placement, and tries not to wince each time her boots make a small crunch in the silence. Footprints will no doubt be left behind, but that doesn’t seem to bother her much as she catches sight of another pair in the distance. They’re small, the knight notices. With no distinct shape if not for a slight curve. The snow is kicked up, forced from its smooth blanket. Hurried in their demeanor. But slow in the amount of distance between each print.

Human, she thinks.

Human indeed, the snow hums; bearing all to see as it glistens beneath the firelight of her torch and brings Brienne to her unsightly treasure.

Frosted skin. A soaked nightgown. Arms and legs bitten by the chill.

Dead, she thinks.

No. Alive. The snow breathes.

—

Someone is taking off your clothes. They’re cold, sticking to you, and little grunts follow as bits of your nightgown rip with the effort. Your body is shocked, shivering so hard that the stranger can’t keep you still and isn’t quite sure what to do. Eventually, a mind is made up and you’re stripped completely - then covered with woolen hose. At least two pairs- both of which are too big for you and hang by the feet and are quite loose around the waist, but the dresser doesn’t seem to care. Trousers are next. How many pairs? You don’t know. Then shirts. And furs. And even a pair of leather gloves that droop at the fingertips and gape at the wrists - but they’re warm and lined with wool and you can’t feel your body but that’s okay. You didn’t want to anyway. More grunting and growling and small whispered curses follow until you’re very much tucked into a bed far bigger than your own. It’s warm. Good. You’re numb and half-dead, but it’s good. Lovely, really. And the outside world doesn’t call your name as you close your eyes.

Waking up was not on your agenda.

It wasn’t even in the cards.

And you don’t really want to - but the universe never cared for your opinion. And it did what it wanted whenever it wanted anyway. So you have no choice.

Thus, your eyes flutter open and your lungs expand with breath and suddenly the world comes flooding back in one confusing twist of fate. Nausea wastes no time in tearing you down; instantly going to churn in the pit of your stomach and curl in the back of your throat and pound against the skin of your temples. A deep groan slips from between your chapped lips. The lining of your skull feels as though it’s been replaced with cotton.

The snow really took its chance, didn’t it? Brutal. Ruthless. At least the Earth doesn’t lie to you. At least the Earth doesn’t save you.

But someone did. Someone has.

They’re actually shuffling over; measured footsteps sounding like big loud stomps in your head. You close your eyes. Everything is too bright. Everything is too much.

“Morning.”

Hm. The voice sounds familiar. A bit wonky, like it’s far away, but familiar. You don’t have the energy to respond so you just let out a grunt and allow it to taper off into a weird rumbly hum.

“Hey,” there’s a sudden clicking noise near your ear, making you jolt and snort when your eyes flick open. There are fingers - long pale fingers snapping beside your head, falling silent when you glare up at the offender, only to find-

“Lah Commandah?!” Your tongue and throat are stiff and achy, keeping your speech limited and your voice strangled. You grimace at the sound and instantly try to growl the discomfort away, but she cuts you off.

“Don’t do that- you’ll just make it worse.” It comes out in a huff and silences you with ease.

She doesn’t look or seem very happy, which in turn makes you frown. It was a shot straight through the heart when the Lord Commander was in a bad mood - which surprisingly wasn’t always. In fact, she’d grown a little softer over the years. The tales talk of her unwilling attitude and stubborn pride, but sometimes she’s full of wit and humor. And on the best of days, she’ll give the most successful troops a small smile and a bow of her head. The only sign of ‘You did well’ that anyone would ever get from her. You’d never gotten a reaction like that before.

I wonder why she didn’t leave us out in the snow.

“Can you sit up?” Glacier blue eyes run over your face.

You’re not sure what you look like but you suppose it doesn’t matter. She’s seen worse.

“Dun-no, Lah Commandah,” you breathe, trying to do exactly that.

After the fifth try of shifting your arms and legs and quickly running out of strength, she seems to get the hint and suddenly large strong hands are sliding under your arms and tugging you up, then pushing you back. It’s done in one swift movement, leaving you dizzy while you rest your head against the wooden headboard of-… of a bed that certainly isn’t yours.

No, you’re definitely not in your own room. The layout is completely different. It’s more… it’s not pretty but it’s better looking than your own. Complete with greys and blacks and silvers and even a hint of red here and there. The fire that’s been crackling steadily in the background is clean and well-kept, where your room doesn’t even have space for one at all. And the curtains are drawn over the windows covering the right wall, leaving the place shrouded in a darkness that would have existed there anyway even if the curtains were open - it’s nighttime, pitch black outside, and suddenly you’re very much aware of the fact that you’ve kept your Lord Commander- The Brienne of Tarth- out of her own bed for more than a day.

By the time you blink yourself out of your dizzy distracted haze and try to find her form again, she’s already busy doing something else. Wringing out cloths over a bowl… and then returning to your side. Your lips, chapped and still tinged blue, open in an effort to say something- anything- but then a soft hot cloth is draped over your forehead, covering your temples, and suddenly you don’t have a damned thought left in your mind. The feeling is so nice. So blissful. You could stay like that forever.

If only the universe showed you mercy.

“It’s been two days since I found you,” the Lord Commander says, placing the bowl down gently on the side table beside the bed. Her eyes glance over your coverings, making sure the furs and gloves and shirts are all still in order. They are. She was very thorough before. She would not have made a mistake. There was no room for error.

But there’s room now for judgment. Judgment and disdain, and you’re terrified of those things and you really don’t want to have to hear her tell you that you’re a stupid wench and that the rest of the troops will forever make fun of you for your idiocy, so you swallow and wince and your hands twist together in your lap. The leather of the gloves is soft, well-worn, and the wool is only the tiniest bit matted - and you can’t help but admire the craftsmanship as you bring them up to your abdomen. They’re obviously not your gloves, just as everything else is not yours either, but you don’t know what to do first: apologize or thank her.

Honestly, you don’t really want to thank her - because she ruined your plan - but at the same time, she saved your life. Whether you wanted to end it or not doesn’t matter… because she would’ve helped you no matter what. And perhaps you’re selfish for being a little bit angry about it, maybe you’re being self-centered and dumb, but you can’t help the feeling of bitterness creep into your heart. You wanted to die… and she took that from you. She wanted you to live.

It was a duty. She doesn’t want anything. Anyone would have done it.

But that’s not true.

The men would have left you. Or hurt you. Or anything else.

But there she is, having gone through the trouble of saving you… and she’s looking down at you with a frown on her handsome face and a furrow to her light brows that seems like it never leaves and you wish so terribly that you could just tell her-

“I-m sorr-ey.” It’s a pathetic rasp of an apology, but it’s out of your mouth before you can catch it.

She blinks. You don’t know why her expression changes, why it softens into something less stern and concerned, but when it does you feel your breath catch in your throat. How anyone could see her as anything less than glorious is something you’ll never understand.

“Why were you out there.”

It’s a demand.

You look away, baring your eyes to the fire.

“…I sl-leep-wa-lk someti-”

“Bullshit.” She spits, one hand reaching down to curl into the bit of blanket that drapes over the side of the bed. Her expression has twisted back into one of anger. “Don’t you dare lie to me.”

But what other choice do you have?

How could you be honest?

Why did she, of all people, have to find you? And why like that? Why couldn’t she have walked into the bathhouse during the few times you’ve wept your eyes out in the steamy silence? Why couldn’t she have caught you staring at your horse, dread in your eyes as you fantasized about running away and never looking back? Why couldn’t she have stumbled upon your vulnerability when you were still willing to live?

Why did it take a Fool’s Death to finally grasp her attention?

You want to tell the truth… but you can’t.

You can’t.

So you lie again.

“Was out- on a s-strollll. Got- um- lost.” You try not to cringe at the sound of your own bad grammar. Turns out not having full feeling back in your mouth does indeed prohibit being able to speak properly.

The Lord Commander doesn’t seem to care much. In fact, she doesn’t seem to be focusing on that at all. Instead, her face has grown slack - and she’s looking at you hard. Leaning both of her hands on the side of the bed, broad shoulders going up near her neck, eyes peering through light lashes - like she’s using her stare alone to dig holes into your soul and she doesn’t need to say anything in order for you to understand that she simply doesn’t believe you. And why should she? Your lies are so obviously half-baked; only muddying up the truth; ruining what little of it can be said.

Still. She doesn’t let up. Her gaze starts to burn. Shame tugs at your cotton-lined skull. Guilt claws its way to the surface.

Pink lips, scarred on the top right, part slowly. There’s a soft inhale. You brace yourself, clutching your warm hands into fists.

“You were buried,” the Lord Commander says, barely even blinking as she looks at you. “Covered with snow.” She shakes her head and allows it to fall to her chest, letting out a scoff so quiet you had to strain to hear it. “One of the smartest soldiers I have… and you expect me to believe that you got lost on an evening stroll?” Her head comes up, eyes pinning you in place with such dull ferocity that you can’t look away. “You can’t be serious.”

It’s at that exact moment when you realize that you’re sweating. It is the amount of warm things covering your body? The clothing and the furs and the gloves? Or is it your Lord Commander’s attention? And the fact that it’s never been placed on you like that before? With such… such focus. Such- dare you even think it- care?

You swallow against the nervous lump in your throat.

‘One of the smartest soldiers I have…’

Well if you were as smart as she thinks you are, you’d be fucking honest, wouldn’t you? Yeah. You’d tell her the truth. You’d admit that you’re a coward.

But you can’t.

You can’t.

She spends all of that time training you, keeping an eye on you, making sure you’re fed and well-rested and looked after in her own roundabout Lord Commander type of way… and you repay her with…with what?

With suicide?

So disgraceful.

So horrible.

So shitty of you.

How terrible can a person be?

How-

“Are you crying?” Your Lord Commander gapes, certainly caught off guard by your sudden emotion.

“N-no?!” You stutter, just as shocked to find yourself reaching up and smearing salty tears along your cheeks.

Oh how embarrassing-!

You stupid girl!

This is why you wanted to do it in the first place!

Because all you do is just fucking embarrass yourself-!

“N-no? No- s-sorr-y La-Lor-d C-Com-”

“Enough with the Lord Commander,” she admonishes, cutting off your bumbling apology with a swift tsk. “In private, it’s Brienne.” Then she hesitates before letting out a sigh and taking a seat next to you on the side of her bed. “…I’m not your superior here.”

All you can do is blink.

I’m not your superior here.

So what are you?

That’s all you want to ask.

What are you to me then? What is this now?

But even if you did find the courage, you’re not sure what she’d say.

“Okay,” you sniff, trying your damnedest to stop the tears.

But they’re a direct result of your aching heart. And aching hearts have veins that scream in agony, wishing for nothing but silence. Utterly tranquility. The very absence of tension-filled life. And you can’t get rid of aching hearts and screaming veins without getting rid of yourself…. And your only chance to do that was destroyed. Trampled upon. Interrupted.

I just wanted to die. It rests on the very tip of your tongue but never spills out into the air.

Brienne is so clearly unsure of what to do; she’s sitting rigid in her spot and staring at a mark on the floor. You want to tell her it’s okay. You want to tell her that she doesn’t have to comfort you. You want to tell her to just let you go back into the woods again… let you find yourself back in the snow. And she can go on with her life and forget it ever happened.

But you can’t.

That’s not how it works.

That’ll never be how it works.

Foolish girl.

“…Why were you out there, Anya?” Brienne’s voice is softer than fresh lilies.

You know why.

“…I c-can’t- I-”

Her head turns. Midnight blue eyes trace a line from your neck to your face, taking in the exhausted circles beneath your eyes and the blue-ish tinge to your skin and the utterly defeated look that blooms behind your expression. A war happens in you, taking place in the span of a moment, and you can do nothing but blink through lingering tears and stare at her.

“I can’t.” It’s a whisper. A confession all on its own.

I can’t… because you’ll think I’m a coward. And you’ll hate me. And I already hate myself enough for the both of us.

Brienne’s lips form a hard line, but she doesn’t say anything. She just peers back down at the floor and allows silence to creep into the room and lay between you both like a tired direwolf on its last legs.

The fire burns in the background. The sweat on your body cools. The dizziness in your head subsides.

It’s going to be okay, some part of you speaks. It’s going to be okay.

But you’ve told yourself that before, haven’t you?

And look where that got you.

It has to be at least 30 minutes later when Brienne finally speaks.

“There was a girl I knew once, in my early youth,” you watch her mouth move, enchanted and confused. Where was this going to lead? “She was older than me by two years. A pretty girl- like you.” Your heart trips over itself, but you don’t have time to dwell as she continues. “My father saw that, out of the very rare few, she was good to me - and so we were allowed to play often. For her it was ‘horsies’ and ‘hide and seek’, for me it was ‘swords’ and ‘knights’.” There’s a soft smile on her face, half hidden by the natural shadow of her body facing away from the hearth and half lit by the fire that lived there. Her lips twitch and she begins again. “We did everything together. She was a village girl but that didn’t matter… until it did. Time eventually caught up to us and we were forced to live our lives on our own. No more days of play and no more sharing stories.”

A soul-deep sadness settled into her eyes. She had yet to look at you. Maybe because it would make her too vulnerable… maybe because she didn’t want you to cry again. Either way, you felt yourself frown. Why was she telling you this? What happened?

And as if she could read your thoughts, she continues.

“By the time I was old enough to decide that I wanted to leave, she was already married. Kind husband, even though I only met him once. It was when I stopped in to say goodbye. I wanted to tell her that I’d write, whenever I found the time and place to do so.” Her hands, you notice, are fidgeting - running over and pulling each other quietly within her lap. The natural lines in her face grow darker as she falls back into her memories. “…I didn’t know she was struggling. I was so busy with my own life. My father’s wishes, my training, my fights with the men who challenged me… our communication grew slim. So I didn’t- I-… well.” Brienne swallows. “Her husband answered the door and when I asked after her, he burst into hysterics.”

Your heart stops.

She- no… She didn’t….

Brienne’s head goes up, her eyes turning to look at the ceiling - keeping her tears in her eyes, resistant in letting them fall. Resistant in being weak. You want to hold her and let her cry, but you know it’s not the time. She sniffs and her chest heaves with a sigh and it takes everything in you not to start sobbing. Tears build, they fall slowly, but your throat aches with held back sounds of distress.

“…She ended her life two days before I arrived.” A pause. Then- “A butter knife…,” she scoffs out a laugh and shakes her head, still pointing her face skyward - as if the gods have all the answers to her grief. “… I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know what to do with her husband. So I gave him my condolences and I left. Cried in the woods for as long as I could and kept going. And since then, I haven’t stopped.”

Despite her efforts, tears still creep over her eyelids and race down her cheeks. They mirror the ones on your own face - warm and sad and annoying in the stiff little trails left behind.

And you sit like that for a while, silently crying. Her gaze stuck to the heavens, thinking about the friend she lost; and your gaze stuck on her, thinking about the possible metaphor behind her actions. Behind the full circle-ness of it all. She couldn’t save her friend but she saved you. What did that mean in the grand scheme of your lives? What did any of it mean? How would you continue to train everyday after seeing your Lord Commander cry? After witnessing her care?

She saved us. She saved us. She saved us.

“Thank you,” comes your hoarse whisper- the first in-tact thing you’ve said since waking up.

The sound of your voice tugs Brienne out of her stupor and draws her eyes to your sad face. You don’t have the energy to give her a sympathetic smile, so you settle on a soft look. If it says all you need it to say, she doesn’t show it - but she does look away quickly and reaches up to brush the tears away.

“What for?” It’s rough - hard - a sliver of the tough Commander she’s used to being.

No no no - don’t go back to that. Your heart is safe here. I won’t judge you for your tears.

“…Saving me.” It’s more courtesy than anything as you say that, but it’s fine. You’re not magically going to wish for life again after Brienne shares a sad story with you… though it already has your heart struggling against its achy confines.

Brienne shakes her head, the gold of her hair catching the fire’s light so beautifully that you have to take your eyes off of her in order to catch your breath. If we were her friend in her youth, we would have surely fallen in love with her.

“You shouldn’t have gotten to that point,” her voice is watery- muffled with the lingerings of sadness. “No one should.”

You nod. What else is there to say? What else is there to admit? Clearly she knows. Clearly she understands. And yet… you’re still curious…

“…Why do-n’t you hate me f-or it?” Your words come out in a squeaky whisper, but you don’t care. You just need to know. You just need to make sure that you’re not reading things wrong- that there’s a chance she may actually care- and that perhaps there is a reason to stay…

Brienne doesn’t respond immediately. It’s clear that she takes a few moments to bring herself back to the present. To clear her throat and wipe her eyes again and sniffle a few times and then turn back to you. She’s tried so hard in clearing herself up, but the eyes have never lied. And you see the sadness breeding there. Festering. Sadness is wicked. You don’t know if you’re the cause of it.

“You’re strong, Anya." A pause. "Training wouldn’t be the same without you.”

But you know she means to say Nothing would be the same without you.

---

Something I've been working on for a bit. It's not as good as I hoped it would be, but I'm tired and my back hurts so whatever. I hope you're all doing well.

And if you're not and you need some help, here's the National Suicide Hotline: 988 - And the link https://988lifeline.org/

It's gonna be okay, my friend. One second at a time. - Yours, Rip x

---

#rippersz #fanfictionwriter #fanfic #fanfiction #brienne of tarth #brienne of tarth got #brienne x reader #ser brienne #ser brienne of tarth got #ser brienne of tarth #angsty #angsty fic #mental health issues #mental health problems #mental health issues tw #be safe #I love you #brienne of tarth x reader #brienne of tarth fanfic

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irreplaceable-ecstasyy · 2 years ago

Text

a knight's sworn oath

REQUEST: You want Brienne asks? Say no more friend! Brienne reunites with a childhood friend (a lesser noble woman if it's easier to fandangle.) Reminiscing and thinking about old times stir feelings Brienne didn't expect, nor is she exactly equipped to handle the feelings of love that seem to grow with every meeting they now have.Bit of angst, awkward love confessions, maybe a bit of smut if you're up to it. Anything and everything you think up is appreciated! Cheers!

Word Count: 3678

[ I swear, these keep getting longer everytime I tell myself it's gonna be a short one.]

In great haste, the Lord Commander strode through the hallways with a letter clutched in hand, eyes trained on the stone path ahead. There was not a thought in her mind but a destination to get to. Someone to get to. Podrick had come to her during her break, to which she had responded with dismay for the disturbance, but the message he had relayed brought her to her feet in a heartbeat. She was not acquainted to visitors asking for her unless they were soldiers under her command or commanders of the other lands, and this name was not one she had expected to hear in all her years.

Hearing it from someone else's tongue was so entirely foreign to her, especially from someone who was not from Tarth. Her disbelief had nearly bested her hopes but with the letter that came with the news, she could trust that it was no hoax. As far as she was aware, Podrick was incapable of such a thing.

Taking a turn, Brienne found herself in the courtyard and her eyes found you. She froze and her grip tightened around the letter. It was difficult to process all of this. An old friend from home. How long had it been since she was there? Since she saw you? All the years between the time you had last seen one another seemed to vanish as she took in the sight of you, her shock soon softening into pure joy.

You knew she was arriving as her stride was not exactly the quietest in armor. The clanking, the heavy boots echoing through the corridor; while her height gave her a grace like no other, it did not help with stealth all too much. It was quite terrifying had you not known that she would be coming, but my goodness was she a sight for sore eyes.

She took careful steps towards you, almost bashful, but her composure was perfect. The composure of a lady but the rigidness of a knight. It suited her. The silence stretched as you continued to stare at her, and with the distance closed between the both of you, a strange tension thickened in the air. You bunched up your skirt into your hands to ease your excitement and bowed your head in greeting.

"Lord Commander."

Brienne followed, bowing her head in return. "[Y/N]..."

When she lifted her head, she swooped you up into her arms for a hug and you leapt right into her embrace. With your arms wrapped around her neck and her arms around your waist, you felt your feet lift from the ground and you failed you stifle your laughter. Brienne's sailed through the air, joining yours as you relished in the long overdue hug. Even when you pulled away, she did not return you to the ground. You sat there in her arms, carried as one would a babe, and her smile was absolutely dazzling.

"It's really you," she laughed breathlessly. "I thought Podrick was lying but here you are."

"Surprise~!" you beamed. "I had to come see you. Especially after hearing the news that someone changed history in Westeros. I had to congratulate you in person."

- "That's very kind of you... Thank you." She finally settled you down but her hands remained on your waist. Sighing, she gave you a gentle squeeze. "Last I saw you, you were..."

"In farmer's frocks?"

She snorted. "I was thinking of something kinder but yes, I suppose. But look at you."

You patted your skirt down and gave it a little twirl. "I had to look my best. Last I saw you, you were still in the dresses your father forced you into."

"That was a very long time ago."

"And now you're Lord Commander. It suits you."

"You've always been sweet with your words."

"But I only speak the truth."

Her mouth fell open to argue but only a sigh came out as her shoulders slouched. She shook her head lightly and lowered her gaze, her smile only growing. "You haven't changed at all. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Brienne. I haven't had anyone to drag around with me on the beaches," you chortled, and you felt your heart warm at the sound of her laugh.

"Gods bless any unfortunate soul who has to get dragged by you."

Unable to hold yourself back, you cupped her cheeks within her hands and gave them a little squish. The warmth on her cheeks reminded you that you were very much here. The summer was doing her well. The glow in her cheeks, the shine in her eyes. As beautiful as Tarth was, Brienne wore the sunlight of King's Landing better. The

You were in King's Landing, the very place you never thought you would set foot into for many reasons. One of which had been the war, but it was over. Making the trip had not been easy either with little money to book passage but a generous sponsor had brought you here. A certain Lannister of the Small Council who somehow found you through his little birds. He had disclosed limited information but it was enough for you to know the purpose of his scheme and the genuineness of it. It was a difficult offer to refuse for sure and so here you were, bringing a smile to the Lord Commander.

A small taste of home.

Being away from home by yourself was intimidating. Thankfully, the Hand of the King had been thoughtful enough to provide escort from the docks to the courtyard. Not that you doubted the man's kind-hearted nature, but to be surrounded by strangers in a land known for bloodshed, dragons and wars was not the most pleasant. Somehow, Brienne had managed all of it on her own but it was no surprise. After all, she was Brienne of Tarth, the first woman in all of Westerosi history to be knighted.

She snapped you out of your daze when she took your hand from her cheek and she began to drag you across the courtyard. "Let's not waste any time. Try to keep up. I wish to show you my new home."

You had never heard her sound prouder to show someone her own home. In Tarth, there was not once when she expressed pride for her homeland. Even though born and raised, there was no love in her for the Sapphire Isles, only horrid memories and a childhood of shame. You had seen some of the nightmares yourself, the torture she had to endure, and some you only heard through her tears. Here, there was not a shred of it.

She spoke about King's Landing with a passion in all of its good and bad times. From the people to every alleyway, she always had something nice to say. There was plenty that had changed in tradition and it was a culture shock for Tarth remained as it always had been. Ever so often, you would glance at Brienne as she told you of her tales in the past few years. The way she rambled on for anyone who would listen to her. You were all ears, but you had never seen her express her masculinity so openly. It was astounding. She had come so far, and there were no words that could describe how proud you were of her.

While you were only there on the journey for a little while, you had the privilege of watching her turn from a lady to ser. Living a life lesser of a noble, modesty and humility came easy. It was almost a gift in such a society and it was the very thing that won you the friendship of Brienne of Tarth all those years ago.

As you settled at the veranda of the castle with her after the tour, lunch already prepared at the Lord Commander's request, you two had a little trip down memory lane. You were careful of the memories to bring up but soon came to realize that she did not care for the embarrassment at all. She had a good laugh most of the way, even a good boisterous cackle. The memory she was most fond of was the one when you met. A typical memory to cherish but the encounter had been an interesting one.

You two could remember it clear as day, as if it had not been decades ago. Just yesterday. You had found her hiding away in the woods, armed with a wooden sword in garments that were far too unsuitable for training. It pained you to see someone fight in a corset and maneuver through the forest-y plains with a skirt that caught itself on every root in the ground. But somehow, she continued on. The skirt would rip when she spun to strike a tree then another, and the corset would click strangely as her frame fought against its restraints. You continued to watch her quietly, that was until she turned to point her sword at you.

Talking to her was like talking to a wall. She was stubborn, but for good reason. You had tried to reason with her that you had been watching out of admiration but she sneered at you with accusations of lies. You were patient with her and it took her a bit to warm up to you. How could she when everyone made a mockery of her? She made that clear but you were persistent. It was when you offered to swap clothes with her to ease the difficulties of training in a dress, she agreed and decided to let you stay. Though your clothes were slightly smaller on her, they worked better than the dress.

Brienne recalled the memory as fondly as you did. The funniest part was the fact that they had returned to their respective homes with their swapped attires. You had feared for your life that you may be charged with theft for wearing the Lady of Tarth's dress when your parents pointed out the change of clothes. When Brienne came to visit the next day to return your clothes, you had nearly refused to see her in case there were guards at her aid but how lovely she had been. Not only did she bring your clothes back, she brought a few new outfits as a token of her gratitude.

Had you not invited her in for tea that very day, you might never have been to each one of her tournaments or steal moments alone with her whenever you found her training in the woods again. Perhaps you would still be in Tarth going about your days in the market with a man laboring at work to keep the family afloat. The expected life of a commoner, one that you had managed to escape by a hair's breadth.

Here you were, laughing away at silly memories, arm-in-arm with Brienne who was leaning against you more than she was the veranda. You did not mind, but you were certainly worried about falling over and bringing her along with you.

With an arm somehow finding your waist, Brienne continued to speak fondly of a time when you fell into a river in an attempt to win a game of hide and seek. You were torn between laughing and snorting at the way she cackled, her laughter breaking her sentences to the point she would have to stop for a brief breather. This would have been a strange sight to any Westerosi person who knew the Lord Commander, but you knew her to be the girl in the woods. The one who was unafraid to be anything, especially being a great woman of mockery.

"You fell in after that too," you scoffed.

"Only to save you," she protested with a grin.

You gave her a nudge. "I was perfectly fine that day, thank you very much. You didn't have to be all knightly and save me."

"Well, you could say that you were the start of my little career here," she jested as she returned the nudge. "Would you like a 'thank you' instead?"

"That's more like it. I would appreciate it."

Brienne bowed playfully. "Fine then, thank you for letting me save you even though you were completely fine."

"You're most welcome, Ser." With a hand on your chest, you bowed, unable to hold back your laughter. "Now rise."

Brienne snickered lightly as she returned to her usual stature. For a second, you caught her smile wavering slightly but she masked it with a weaker one. She never was any good at hiding her emotions, tough as she was.

"When um- When are you leaving?" she asked, almost solemn.

"Not any time soon if that's what you're worried about," you answered as you rested your head against her arm. "Gonna miss me already?"

Brienne nodded. "When you leave, I won't know when I'll see you next."

"I can always write to you."

"I hardly trust ravens these days."

"Fair." You took her hands and gave them a squeeze before tugging at her so that she was facing you. "I'll be here for a while. So, why fret about it now? You might get sick of me really soon."

She gasped sharply and scowled. "I could never."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because you've always been glued to my side since we met. You would expect that I'd be sick of you but it isn't the case at all."

"That's a relief to hear," you sighed jokingly, wiping your brow to add to the act.

"Did you think I would?"

You shrugged. "Maybe. You were a lady, now a knight. I'm still the same merchant I've always been. You must be surrounded by so many incredible people, I don't see how I could be any match."

"You'd be surprised," Brienne muttered. "I get sick of the lords easily. They're absolutely infuriating. Not everyone it awful but most I've met here... I cannot say the same for them."

"Then I'll try to distract you like how I did back home."

The glance she casted your way made you shiver just a little. Those gentle eyes. You had seen that gaze before. Long when you accompanied her through the town of Tarth, averting her attention away from the horrid boys who insulted her. Those trained eyes were so focused on your lips as you spoke to her over the rude remarks, it was like she was hypnotized.

There were no immature boys around you two but her eyes were on your lips. It was most definitely muscle memory, or a reminder.

"You don't have to..." she spoke slowly. "Having you here is enough."

"I can bore you with the gossips I've been hearing all over town," you continued. "Or about how much home has changed since you were last there. Or"-

You blabbered on, never quite running out of breath, and Brienne was simply enraptured by you. She had no care for whatever it was you were saying. She would if she could hear you over the rush of blood in her ears, the hammering in her heart underneath her chest plate. Reminiscing had brought back a lot of unspoken feelings as well as thoughts she had longed to express to you before she left. But none had left her lips that day except for a goodbye.

As much as she despised the life she had in Tarth, there were some bits of that life that she missed. Most of which involved meeting a certain irritating chatterbox who was right next to her, doing what they did best. She had never spent much time down memory lane and now that she was right in the middle of the meadow, she could remember so much more. The field she stood in now was a clear one, a time she could remember entirely, and there she was on one knee and her training sword at her feet. A mock oath.

When she was to set off to swear her services to others, she told you that when she became a Knight, she would swear to protect you. For your loyalty and friendship, servitude was all that she could offer in return. You had declined it, claiming that you did not require anything from her, only a visit if she remembered you but her stubbornness prevented her from yielding.

You were the only person who had ever accepted Brienne for what she was, somehow, and she still never understood why. Not that she dared to question it; she was grateful for it all. You blabbered a lot but there were still a few things she could never figure out about you.

Was it only servitude that she wanted to give? Or had it been something more? She never knew what love felt like, except for what she had had with Renly Baratheon. A foolish crush. With, she had never been more certain that this was what it felt like. When it began, she could not tell for her heart had always fluttered at the sight of you. What had sealed it for her was when you always came back to her no matter what. Even without a promise of return, you would come trotting up to her side whenever you could snatch a chance.

Snapping back into herself, she interjected, unaware that you were still talking. "Do you remember the day before I left?"

"Hm?"

"I made you a promise that I would vow to keep you safe as soon as I became a Knight."

"I do remember that."

Drawing her sword, she held it out with both hands. "I intend to keep that promise."

Taking a step back, she knelt down on one knee and laid the sword at your feet. "[Y/N], I offer my services to you," she began. "I will shield your back, and keep your counsel, and give my life for yours if need be. I swear it by the old gods and the new."

For once in your life, you were rendered speechless. You were startled that a knight of her standing, the Lord fucking Commander, was at your feet, swearing her services to you. Though you were friends, you now stood as a lady and knight. You knew the vow but your mind was not computing it right. The scripture was never meant for you. Your throat felt dry when you tried to speak, but you could not muster even a breath.

Brienne did not rise as the wait stretched. You wrung your hands and forced in a breath. "W"- You needed another breath. "Your services are sworn to the land. You can't swear to another."

"I'm the first woman who got knighted... I've changed history once, and under my own command as Lord Commander, I don't see why I can't offer my services to someone who I've always intended to protect."

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't be enduring this painfully numbing position if I wasn't."

Clearing your throat, you clasped your hands together firmly and recited the vow at the top of your head. " I vow that you shall always have a place by my hearth and meat and mead at my table, and pledge to ask no service of you that might bring you into dishonor. I swear it by the old gods and the new."

Brienne still did not rise but you could see a ghost of a smile on her lips. Carefully, you lowered yourself to kneel in front of her, reaching out to help her back on her feet, but you were met with her lips meeting yours. Your surprise made her draw away but before you could lose contact with her lips, you yanked at her armor to bring her back, greedy for more. In all your excitement, you had forgotten to breathe which forced you to pull away, panting.

"Is this part of the oath?" you asked with a breathless laugh.

Smiling, Brienne shook her head, pressing her forehead against yours. "As far as I'm aware, not at all."

You gave her a small peck. "Then let this be our vow."

Brienne's cheeks flushed a light pink. "You're sure?"

"I have never been more certain."

Fumbling to pick her sword up, she struggled to collect her thoughts. "If that is so, allow me to... extend the oath."

"Brienne..."

She helped you up on your feet, her hands now ungloved as she held yours. "I've never been more thankful to be graced by someone's very existence. You've stayed by my side longer than anyone ever has, and I will admit, my feelings have gotten the better of me."

"Must you be so formal with this?" you chuckled lightly.

"It seemed appropriate for the occasion. But what I am trying to say is, will you um... Will you have the honor of being my maiden?"

Unable to contain your excitement, you leapt right into the woman for a passionate kiss. The answer was enough. Brienne clung onto you with a newfound joy but there was sorrowful glint in her eyes as she buried her face in your shoulder, a poor attempt to conceal it. You did not have the heart to question it, not right now, but it did not stop you from offering some amount of comfort.

You worked to get one of your rings off your finger and without breaking the embrace, you pushed it into Brienne's palm, closing her fingers around it.

"Let this be a symbol of our oath. A promise band."

The love you had gained was something more for Brienne to lose. It was not a difficult riddle to guess, but you had just as much to lose as she did. There was nothing that could make you drift away from her; you were more confident than ever about that. If words would not prove their worth, then you would show it. Whether in letters or long and weary voyages, you would find a way.

The knight and maiden fair. What a song this would make.

#ser brienne of tarth #brienne got #brienne of tarth x reader #brienne of tarth #brienne #gwendoline christie #slay #nat.txt

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